The Citadel

The gift of meaning

"Christmas table" - Photo - Wendy Bradtke (C) 05

Finally arriving at the other side of the holidays, in the beautiful quiet of January,
has me reflecting on the meaning of this Season. I tend to feel Christmas is a time
the modern world has stripped of worthwhile meaning, and I like to spend time trying
to contemplate what the real meaning might be.

This year my Christmas and New Year revolved simply around the idea of what would
bring a sense of real meaning to my celebrations. How I approached that was enriched
by the thoughts of Cheryl Richardson at hayhouse radio - Cheryl is a life coach who has
been a major inspirer for me this year. I listened carefully because in the past I've
always experienced a sense of emptiness at Christmas and New Year.

Now like a Christmas miracle I'm seeing it differently, and I'm feeling this may
carry over into the whole of my life, not only the holidays!

What I did was to look at the emptiness from the other end of the telescope.
Christmas is a time of rituals, traditional and personal, and I examined mine in
detail. Rituals are meant to evoke feeling, and mine were evoking emptiness. During
the holidays I spend nearly all my time socializing in my workplace, even at other
colleagues workplaces. I spend a lot of time with nice people, but I share only work
with them. Then there's my "catch up with once a year" people. I suspect I only keep
in contact with some of them through guilt. In the whirl-wind of this I lose the connections
that mean the most - my close family and my close friends. I need to find some balance.

As a result my holidays become filled with conversations about shared emptiness. Too
many conversations about how crappy the year was, how stressful the holidays are, too
much shared complaining about work. I was daring enough to change the topic over one
lunch with colleagues, instead we talked about the best book we'd read during the year.
It wasn't geeky, it was fascinating. We all deepened our understanding of each other.
It did not feel empty, it felt great!

Years ago, I stopped attending large New Year parties, I'm not party person. I compensate
by sitting up late viewing the fireworks. After the clock chimes midnight, I switch off
the TV and suddenly the New Year becomes a blank TV screen, a sort of void. That's not
a good way to begin anything! As a ritual its about as empty as it gets. Next year I'm   
approaching New Year very differently, not sure how yet, but I'm really thinking it through! 

All of this has shown me great deal about how I live life generally - a new layer of
conditioning has been revealed. Marvelous! Its given me a key to enriching and deepening
my experience. It was the real gift that the holidays brought. The gift of meaning.

Much love on this day, Wendy.    
 

Set Phasers to ANALYZE!

"The Thinker" - Auguste Rodin - photo Wendy Bradtke (C) 2004

If ever there was an aficionado of Big Brother from George Orwell's 1984,
it would be mish mash mind. Our Orwellian propensity to pry is one of
mish-mash's favorite occupations, it fulfills its need to list, categorize,
sort and draw conclusions. Mish-mash is momentarily satisfied by these
pursuits, until its natural curiosity over-writes its previous accomplishments
heading it off busily to figure out more stuff. 

Mish-mash in its own sweet way fuels our discontent and dissatisfaction.

Just as many of us find our selves drowning in the clutter of our homes and
work places, mish-mash too can be a cluttered place. Its full of "to-do's",
"what ifs", things once said and done, past compliments like shiny toys and
bitter words that can't be taken back. Our homes often reflect this and our
attempts to declutter tend to involve only resorting and re categorizing,
rather than the actual letting go we really need.

Deep within mish-mash's churning, is our search for security, for mish mash
is only giving expression to our need to know motive, purpose and meaning.
The contradiction is, as we attempt to figure it out in others, we're also
attempting to understand those things within ourselves.

The Internet is a prime example. Whilst it gives the most amazing opportunities
to share, know and discover, it can also feed our underlying craving for approval
and security in subtle ways. Never before has big brother ism been so pervasive.
Millions of users, webmasters, bloggers et AL, scrutinize web data, pages, links,
page reads and times spent on pages, in an effort to know. And, from what we
know, we begin reshaping to suit the data.

We can easily lose the satisfying texture of authenticity. Lists, categories
and conclusions satisfy mish mash mind, but can also create an imprint of
shallowness in the deeper mind. Like the princess and the pea, subtly we
register that, and it makes a ripple that flows to the edge of our being. 
By dealing too constantly in the flotsam and jetsam mish mash mind loves,
how deeply are we honoring solving the riddle of our own authenticity?

Pondering today...

Much love, Wendy x.