Mountain stream - San Juan Mountains CO- W.Bradtke 2006
Why is it that loving and caring can bring us the most pain?
It seems a contradiction, that the thing we may need most - a feeling of
loving and being loved - may end up being the root of our worst suffering.
How many of us know this? A relationship that sours, a project that
becomes a monster, an illness that cripples our work; we begin in joy and
end in misery. Misery seems to follow our joy so consistently we might
conclude it's simply part of our human-ness and throw in the towel. How
many addictions begin with that? How much do we consume to numb our
pain? How many hours do we spend in stressful work and uncongenial
company to fill in that gnawing hole inside?
Its a rat race. Literally. A rat runs around its wheel unaware its own
movement is creating more of the same. Can we break that cycle and find
a true sense of peace? The good news is through Meditation we can begin
to break up that momentum with times of stillness. Plus we can undermine
our own habitual responses through Meditation and find fresh answers to old
problems.
But Meditation practice also offers some specific tools to help us out of our
suffering. To find them we need to go to a source book of Meditation - The
Yogasutras - written by Patanjali, an Indian sage and mystic from 200AD. The
Yogasutras are THE sacred text of Yoga, especially Raja Yoga -the Royal Path.
Patanjali begins his discourse on the path to Samadhi (Enlightenment) with ten
practices called Yama and Niyama, and the ones I am of thinking of here
are Aparigraha and Svadhyaya.
Aparigraha means non-attachment, non -grasping or non- hoarding.
Maybe its better understood if we look at its opposite Parigraha, which means
"holding jealously". Aparigraha is a delicate practice that hinges on the
significance we give to things and the way we hold them (metaphorically).
Over the years I have worked with various aspects of Aparigraha and it works
best for me if I keep an attitude of allowing, and of letting life flow, not trying
to overform it. Curiously, by letting the things I love and desire be, and allowing
them to go through their own cycles of ebb and flow without grasping at them
so hard, seems to keep the love flowing more.
But that "allowing things to flow" doesn't mean neglect. Things we neglect
dwindle in energy and dissolve away. This kind of allowing means a light
holding of things in a way that doesn't restrict energy. Its realizing that
over identifying with something often suffocates it completely. Aparigraha
allows spontaneity and creativity. It allows us to navigate change graciously.
It is in fact a great learning in understanding the transience of life. Through
that we remain open to the love and support of a Universe that seeks to
nourish and support us with its constancy and love.
For a simple example of how Aparigraha works, lets consider cream.
Yes, I mean the thing that floats on top of milk, that highly calorific substance
many of us adore. If you don't, then I'm sure you can find you own personal
equivalent.
"Cream" is both a thing and an idea. The amount of it we eat is often conditioned
by our attachment to it. Many things come into play here, like our attachment to
thinness or health, or how we consider cream to be a luxurious food. If we look
we can see some of our attachments to cream stem from associations through
childhood, all the way to how we are "sold" the idea of cream in the media, things
that have no relation to its actual taste. Even in terms of taste, cream causes
feelings of satisfaction due to its fat content.
A lot of factors may cause us to have a mini addiction to cream. Then when we
can't have cream the lack of it causes us suffering. An extreme case would be
when an excess of it has clogged our arteries and we can not eat it at all.
Aparigraha asks us to question our relationship to cream.
Its about understanding the power we give to cream, compared to what it
can really give us in return. To build a whole life based on the feeling we get
from cream is foolish, yet many of us do this all the time with other things,
like status, work and relationships.
But when we begin holding cream lightly, we can find a place that allows us to
enjoy it when appropriate and let it go when its not. Denial is not enough,
because denial is the other side of attachment. By considering cream as what
it is, a kind of food, we then allow cream to nourish us according to its true
nature which includes it being delicious, as well as the healthy amount for us.
This example can flow out into your whole life with many things or situations.
Aparigraha is allowing life to nourish us according to its true nature. When
we practice it, it begins to show us the true nature of life is very loving. We
open the door and let love in. Often part of that process involves Svadyaya or
self listening...but thats another practice I'll talk about in my next blog...
Much love today, Wendy.
"Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow:
they toil not, neither do they spin..."
Matthew Ch. 8.
